Thursday, June 29, 2017

A Note to Boob Measurers:

A note for the employees of fancy bra shops who measure our busts to see what size bra we need:

          I was at a bra shop awhile back, buying myself some of the first nice bras I owned in a long time.  The last time I did that was before I had four children, nursing them for a combined total of 8-ish years.  And after all that swelling and deflating, swelling and deflating, my thin cotton bras (and boobs) had seen better days.
          Anyway, so I went into this shop and a salesperson asked me if I’d like to have my bust measured so I knew which size bra to try on.  Since I was treating myself to a nice, expensive bra, I decided, Why Not?

          So she measured my bust and said confidently, “You are a 36B.”
          And I said, “No, I know I am a 36C.”
          “Well, the tape measure says 36B,” she said, clearly a little hurt that I would question her professional measuring skills.
          “Ok, grab me a 36B,” I said, knowing full well it wouldn’t fit.

          So she brought me a 36B and I tried it on.
          “How’s it fit?” she asked.
          “It’s way too tight!  Can you get me a 36C?” I replied.

          When I was done, I could tell that she was a little confused, like she was thinking, But the tape measure said 36B!?!  What happened?  How did I go wrong?
          It didn’t dawn on me until I was walking out of the store that I should have explained to her what happened…

          I was wearing a thin, stretched-out, cotton bra when she measured me.  And “droopy mom boobs” are not the same thing as “perky young boobs.”  Our boobs have expanded and deflated so much that they ooze downward.  And so by the time you finish scooping it all back up and putting it into a supportive, high-quality bra, you gain a cup size.

          So, confused saleslady, it wasn’t your tape measure or your measuring skills.  It was gravity having fun with our “mom bodies.”  Don’t worry … Someday if you have kids or when you simply age a couple decades, you’ll understand! 

          Scoop first, then measure!

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