Hardest Spiritual Lesson #9: Humility and Brokenness

The last of the "Hardest Spiritual Lessons" posts: 

Humility and Brokenness

Hardest Spiritual Lesson #7: Accepting Love and Forgiveness

 Another lesson that's really hard for many of us: Letting Yourself Be Loved or Forgiven (note: there's a bonus section at the end of this post).

Not everyone will face this lesson, but those with broken pasts will know what I’m talking about.  One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn in my spiritual life (and in my earthly life) is to let myself be loved by someone ... by Someone. 

I come from a very dysfunctional home.  Three dads by the time I was 8.  And then another dad (after a very messy divorce) when I was in my late-20's/early-30’s.  I didn’t grow up with my bio-dad or his family.  I didn’t even really meet them until my teens.  And then after that, I’d see them about once or twice a year, sometimes less.  I never really felt like I belonged to a dad or had a place in my extended families (or that my mom was an emotionally-safe person, so I never went to her for encouragement or leaned on her for emotional support - EVER!).  

And this feeling carried over to my relationship with God.

No Masks Allowed!

           I’ve talked before about the need to get real with God.  But I think that we Christians also need to do better at being real with each other.  Why can’t we Christians just admit that we are broken, hurting people too, that we are sinful and need help? 

            Why do we act like we can do it all on our own and like we can handle everything with grace and style and a smile on our faces?  Why do we spend so much time and energy polishing up our outsides?  Is it to earn approval?  To make God happy and proud of us?  To impress others?  To feel better about ourselves?  To look better than others?

            Honestly, all we are doing is hurting everyone.  When we are not real, we miss out on a genuine relationship with God and others.  We don’t get the help and the healing we need.  We exhaust ourselves.  We keep others and God an arm’s length away, and then we feel alone.  

            And we make others feel like they are “less than”. . . because they struggle while we “have it all together.”  And this makes us “unsafe” - because people feel judged, condemned, and shamed in our perfectly-polished presence.  Why would they confide in us or seek our help when they feel like we couldn’t understand, like we are “above” them, like they have to feel ashamed of their brokenness and their struggles, like we expect them to be polished too?

            Why can’t we just be real about our heartaches, doubts, fears, shortcomings, weaknesses, and pain?  Why can’t we admit that we, too, are human?  Is it really a surprise to anyone that we are all human?  That none of us has it all together?  Why can’t we even admit that to ourselves?

            We cannot reach lost, hurting people if we set ourselves up above them and act like we don’t have struggles.  (And ultimately, we are not impressing anyone, especially God.) 

            I'll be honest, being a Christian doesn’t take away the pain and struggle.  It doesn’t necessarily make the journey easier.  (And sometimes it makes it harder.)  But it does give us some real help - Someone to walk this life with us and help us through it.  It gives us purpose and meaning and value.  It gives us stability and joy in something outside anything this unstable life has to offer.  It gives us an ultimate destination that brings real hope and makes the journey worth it.  It gives us life! 

            But we cannot reach broken people if we don’t show them our own brokenness, too. 

            We don’t help others by showing them how “perfect” people do it.

            We help them by showing them how real people - broken people - do it. 

            And we do this not by trying harder or doing more or polishing ourselves up nice and shiny.  But we do it by getting real, by falling down at the feet of Jesus and saying, “Help me, I can’t do it myself.  I need You. I am broken, too.” 

            No masks!  No phoniness!  No “holier than thou” pedestals!

            I don’t know about your Jesus, but my Jesus came to die for the lost and the hurting and the broken.  In fact, He came to be broken ... for us.  So He knows what it's like to hurt, to be let down, to struggle.  And since He's been in our place and He knows us better than anyone, He knows how to help us.  He picks us up when we are down.  He carries us when we are weak.  He meets us where we are - in the pain, the messiness, the brokenness.  He does not shame or condemn.  He does not ignore our cries for forgiveness, help, mercy, or grace.  He does not let us fall flat on our faces or kick us while we are down.  

            He loves us as we are, brokenness and all.

            We don’t need to put on a polished mask for my Jesus because He loved us enough to die for us, even when we were still messed-up sinners.  He knows that we are weak and in need of a Savior, so it doesn’t surprise Him that we can’t do it all on our own, that we struggle and hurt and fail at times. 

            In my Bible, my Jesus had no harsh words for the hurting and broken.  He only had harsh words for the religious snobs who thought they were better than everyone else and who thought they could do it all on their own, earning their way to heaven because of their good works and proper attitude and polished outsides.  The ones who thought that they had no need to fall down at His feet and admit their weakness, neediness, and brokenness. 

            The world is skeptical and untrusting of church as an institution, of religion as a merit system, as a ladder that we climb to reach heaven.  Well, so was Jesus.  He never joined the holy huddles.  He didn’t like the religious, hoity-toity, “we are better than you” snobs who looked down on “sinners.”  They did more harm than good.  They ruined His message of free grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness. 

            While He never went soft on sin or coddled sinners, He never looked down on the hurting and broken and those who knew that they were sinful and that they needed Him.  Instead, He looked down on those who elevated themselves too high and who thought they didn’t need Him.

            But He reaches out to the hurting and broken, to anyone who will take His hand, His help, His grace and mercy and love and forgiveness and healing. 

            His church isn’t an institution.  It’s people.  Hurting, broken, sinful, scared, weak, needy people.

            His religion isn’t a bunch of impossible standards and strict rules.  It’s “Believe in Me.  Trust Me.  Let Me love you and heal you.  And live accordingly, in humility and obedience.” 

            He’s not about condemnation and shaming and criticizing and judging.  He’s about grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love. 

            That’s my Jesus.  And that’s why I choose Him.  It’s why I love Him. 

            We can take off the masks and be real with Jesus.  In fact, we have to take off the masks if we truly want to find forgiveness and healing and help.  And we need to take off the masks with each other, too, if we want to reach other hurting people and show them the love of our gracious, merciful, forgiving Savior.  A Savior who came to die for the broken and the hurting, when we were still sinners. 

            We don’t need to polish ourselves up before we can approach Him.  We just need to come to Him as we are, and then He’ll help us grow and change as we mature in our faith.  But don’t let your fear of being “not good enough” stop you from coming to Him.  He already knows none of us are "good enough."  That's why He didn't make it about being "good enough."  That's why He came and died, to be "good enough" for us.  And so instead of reaching for "perfect behavior," let's just reach for Him instead.  In humility.  In honesty.  In truth and thankfulness and neediness and love.  

He loves us and values us as much as He ever will, right now, as we are, simply because He made us and we are His!  No masks needed!  No masks allowed!

"But God shows his love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  (Romans 5:8)

"... 'Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.' ... the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, 'Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.'"  (Romans 10:11-13)

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  (1 John 1:9)

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  (Romans 8:1)

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  (Psalm 34:17-18)

"The sacrifices of God are a broken and contrite spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."  (Psalm 51:17)

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  (Hebrews 4:16)

And a few great songs:
"Lord, I Need You" by Matt Maher
"My Jesus" by Todd Agnew

"Better Than A Hallelujah" by Amy Grant
"Secret Ambition" by Michael W. Smith

(reposted from my other blog)     

                                                            

Falling Apart at the Feet of God (rewrite)

(I slightly rewrote this previous post of mine, from a different blog, for the Christian Prodigal I sent a letter to.  I thought it might speak to them and their situation.  This is the original version and the edited version I sent them blended into one.)

 
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  (Psalm 34:18)  

“Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You.”  (Psalm 9:10)

Having grown up with a biological dad who had almost nothing to do with me and two ex-step-dads whom I lost contact with eventually (one after a really, REALLY messy divorce) and a current step-dad who . . . well, I am just too old for a new dad . . . I have never really felt like I belonged to a dad, like I really mattered to one. 

I grew up always feeling like the outsider, a step-child who didn’t quite fit in or have a place to belong.  I never felt like I could be myself with a dad, like I was fully loved for who I was.  It was always just a matter of time before they left. 

And this caused a terrible fear of abandonment and a fear of being a burden to anyone.  It caused me to lean only on myself and to polish up my outside so that I earned love and approval and acceptance.  It caused me to always keep my distance, to keep walls up around my heart to protect it from being vulnerable, being hurt.  It caused me to always feel like I was on the outside, looking in.

Learning to praise and trust God anyway

Psalm 96:4, 8:  “For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise ... Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name ...”

Job 1:21, 2:10:  “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised. ... Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”   

I think one of the hardest lessons to learn and one of the greatest indicators of humility is learning to praise God, to trust Him, and to cling to Him ... in the pain and in the hard times. 

It's easy to be thankful, to trust Him, and to “sing His praises” when things are going our way and when we have more than enough.  But it is so hard to do this when we are in the “desert times” of our lives, when everything's going wrong and when we feel like life is letting us down, like God is letting us down, and like we have been abandoned by Him. 

Anyone Else Worn Out?

(Reposted from a year ago, but still so fitting.  Updated.)

Can anyone else relate to the idea of being exhausted from the energy it takes to just keep breathing (the song Worn, linked below)?  

I've been there, too.  For a long time now.  

Unearnable Love

One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn in my spiritual life (and in my earthly life) is to let myself be loved by someone . . . by Someone. 


I come from a very dysfunctional home.  A biological-dad and two step-dads by the time I was 8.  And then another step-dad (after a very messy divorce) when I was in my late-20’s/late-30's.  I didn’t grow up with my bio-dad or his family.  I didn’t even really meet them until my teens.  And then after that, I’d see my grandparents, uncles, and cousins about once or twice a year, sometimes less.  And I’d see my dad and half-siblings once every several years or so. 

I never really felt like I belonged to a dad or had a place in my extended families.  And this feeling carried over to my relationship with God.

Unearnable Love

(Reposted from my other blog, Love, Heal Me)

One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn in my spiritual life (and in my earthly life) is to let myself be loved by someone . . . by Someone. 

I come from a very dysfunctional home.  A bio-dad and two step-dads by the time I was 8.  And then another step-dad (after a very messy divorce) when I was in my late-20’s/late-30's.  I didn’t grow up with my bio-dad or his family.  I didn’t even really meet them until my teens.  And then after that, I’d see my grandparents, uncles, and cousins about once or twice a year, sometimes less.  And I’d see my dad and half-siblings once every several years or so. 

I never really felt like I belonged to a dad or had a place in my extended families.  And this feeling carried over to my relationship with God.

I didn’t know it earlier in my Christian life, but my relationship with Him was based on fear, not on love.  I desperately wanted to please Him not because I loved Him and valued His love for me, but because I was afraid of “doing it wrong,” of being displeasing to Him, of failing Him.  I never really felt like I belonged to Him or mattered to Him, like He could really love me for me.  And so I felt like I had to earn His love and acceptance and grace. 

I didn’t really know how to let myself be loved by Him because I didn’t feel like I was worth loving.  And I didn’t understand the unconditional nature of His love, that I don’t have to be worthy of love because He loves us anyway, as we are.  And so I kept myself busy trying to earn His love . . . when what I really needed to do was simply accept it for the free gift that it is. 

In Honor of Halloween: My real-Life "Scary" Story

In “honor” of Halloween (a day that deserves no honor), I’m gonna share with you why we don’t celebrate Halloween.  (We take our kids to a movie, instead, or buy them a movie they’ve been wanting and have a “family movie night” with candy and popcorn.  So no need to feel sorry for them; they are not deprived.  In fact, we just went today to see the Lego Ninjago movie.  Enjoyable movie ... but I was so tired that I almost fell asleep in the first ten minutes.  And then later when I saw a Lego character sipping from a Lego coffee mug, all I could think was, Mmm, coffee!  I want coffee!  You know you're tired when you envy a Lego character drinking fake coffee.)

You don’t have to believe me, but this really happened.  (Not talking about the Lego thing.  I'm sure you figured that was real.  I'm referring to what's coming up.  And for the longer version of this story on my other blog, click here.)  And don't read this if you want to keep enjoying Halloween. 

It started on a dark night in the middle of nowhere, in the bluffs of Iowa, where there are virtually no neighbors, no sounds, no cars going by at night.  Pitch black, silent darkness.

Is That Really a School's Responsibility!?!

Remember when schools focused on teaching reading, writing, and arithmetic?

Ahhh, good times!

But not anymore! 

Click here to read what schools are teaching our children.  (Warning: graphic information, inappropriate for children.  And yet, that’s exactly what’s being taught to young children.  And this is just one of the stories I've come across recently.)

WHY IN THE WORLD would they think it’s their responsibility or right to teach these things to other people’s children?  Whatever happened to teaching academics?

If It's Not Natural, Maybe It's ...

Did you read the Newsweek article that just came out which says that - according to natural laws - the universe shouldn't actually exist? 

Hmm?  Well, let me think about that.  If the universe shouldn't actually exist according to nature, then maybe its existence is ... dare I say? ... "supernatural."

This article shows one of the biggest, most unscientific problems with scientists.  Notice that it says that one of the biggest puzzles scientists are trying to solve is ... how did matter form after the Big Bang?

They start from the position that there was undoubtedly a "Big Bang," forcing them down a path of fitting all the pieces into the "Big Bang Puzzle."

When, instead, maybe they should start with the question of "Was there really a Big Bang as we assume there must have been?"

A scientist would consider all the possibilities and look at all the evidence and let the evidence guide them to a conclusion.  That is the scientific process.

But when you completely cut off a whole possibility from the start (such as "Could there be a Creator?") and you start your research from a predetermined point (such as "There must have been a Big Bang.  It's the only explanation.") then all the research and results are biased, contorted, misguided, and misleading.

Way to go, scientists!  So great to have such "scientific" people following such a "scientific" process to figure out where things came from and how they work!

Life As A Mom



 

 

My sons, two minutes after breakfast ...



 

 

 

Everybody knows one!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seriously ... who does that!?!

 

Pride Comes Before The Fall

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Most People Nowadays

How they think:

How they're ruining our country:

            




                  



           
             



                

How they treat you:

                  

What I think:

Bellies, boobs, and butts ... What's that about?

Did you ever notice that every time you see a headline that says something like "woman's photo goes viral, making an important point about body image" it always seems to have a semi-naked photo attached to it?  

What's that about?

Can we not learn these important, affirming, "body positive" messages unless there's near-nudity involved?  

Battle of Wits? (repost)

            Some Christians seem to think that faith is a “battle of wits,” that it’s a Christian's job to beat everyone else in a debate about biblical things.  They act like it’s more about “proving and defending the Word” than it is about “living the Word.” 

            But it’s not about winning or about showing off how smart or godly we are compared to everyone else.  (This will make us repulsive to everyone else.)  It’s about helping each other, about coming alongside another person and lovingly putting our arm around their shoulder and helping them on their long, confusing, difficult journey of faith, the journey through life.     

No Masks Allowed! (repost)

 

 

 

 
           I’ve talked in other posts about the need to get real with God.  But I think that we Christians also need to do better at being real with each other.  Why can’t we Christians just admit that we are broken, hurting people too, that we are sinful and need help? 

            Why do we act like we can do it all on our own and like we can handle everything with grace and style and a smile on our faces?  Why do we spend so much time and energy polishing up our outsides?  To earn approval?  To make God happy and proud of us?  To impress others?  To feel better about ourselves?  To look better than others?

            Honestly, all we are doing is hurting everyone.  When we are not real, we miss out on a genuine relationship with God and others.  We don’t get the help and the healing we need.  We exhaust ourselves.  We keep others and God an arm’s length away.  And we make others feel like they are “less than”. . . because they struggle while we “have it all together.” 

            We are “unsafe” because people feel judged, condemned, and shamed in our perfectly-polished presence.  Why would they confide in us or seek our help when they feel like we couldn’t understand, like we are “above” them, like they have to feel ashamed of their brokenness and their struggles, like we expect them to be polished too?

            Why can’t we just be real about our heartaches, doubts, fears, shortcomings, weaknesses, and pain?  Why can’t we admit that we, too, are human?  Why can’t we even admit that to ourselves?