Pause, breathe, smile

Please, allow me to vent and to listen to myself talk.  And come along, if you want, on a trip through my mind (I apologize in advance for how the messy it is😉.):

Are you exhausted?  I am.  I am sick and tired of all the craziness out there, all the chaos, fighting, hate, lies, fear-mongering, violence, increasing prices (for less product or services), natural disasters, wars, rumors of wars, AI this-and-that, Big Pharma, social deviance/immorality, efforts to force people to tolerate social deviance/immorality, political posturing and mudslinging and nonsense, etc.  

I'm done with it.  I just so done with it all.  "You can stop the world now, God.  We wanna get off."  

I am sick of both social media and the news - because everyone just wants to fight, scream their opinions, demand their way, calls names, make accusations, and force everyone else to agree with them and do things their way.  Everything's an "us vs them" thing, and "if you don't agree with 'us' then you're a bad bad person who shouldn't be here."  It's sick.  And everyone reacts to soundbites and snippets, instead of getting the whole story and wisely responding.  There are no attempts to understand, to really listen, to connect, to talk through things, to be tolerant of other opinions.  (Maybe younger people don't know this because they've been fed bad definitions, but tolerance used to be about respectfully agreeing to disagree with someone, allowing others to have different opinions, even ones you don't like or agree with.  But now - due to social brainwashing - it's about supporting, affirming, condoning everyone else's view, over and above your own... or else you're "intolerant.")  

Anyone else? (Thank you, Nate...)

[If you don't want to read this really long post, hang in there because I'll eventually publish it as a series of smaller posts.]

Oh my goodness, does anybody else feel this song, too?

NF - Oh Lord

"What are y'all doing down there?  I don't know, Lord."

I don't know, Lord.

What a mess.

God help us.

God help me.

"Sometimes I look up to the sky and wonder, 'Do you see us down here, O Lord?'"

Another one bites the dust

[Happy Easter, y'all!]

I just found this (sad!) on Reddit Reformed: What happened to my conviction and love for God?

Reformedhabeshagirl said:

Hello brothers and sisters

I have always been a Christian and grew up fearing the Lord. I remember being convicted about my sins as young as 7 or 8 years old. I became Reformed around age 17 and I am 23 now. I have always been a repentant believer. My heart used to break when I sinned, and I love the Lord. I studied my Bible a lot, prayed often, and was very interested in theology, sermons, and everything related to faith.

The problem is that my heart has lost all desire for the things I used to love. I stopped listening to sermons and I don’t want to study my Bible anymore. Any interest I had in Bible study or discussions about the Lord only came when my ex-boyfriend shared things with me every day or when it came from my pastor every Sunday. Now my heart feels hard. I am not convicted about the things I used to mourn over.

I distanced myself from my amazing best friend and mentor who helped me grow so much in my faith and in my understanding of sin. I broke up with my boyfriend, and now I don’t even feel anything about it. I know he would be the best husband in the world and that I’m missing out, but I’m still not sad about it.

I’m not sad about not praying or studying the Bible anymore. I’m not interested in anything at all.  I feel numb and emotionless.

I’m starting to think that maybe I was never saved, since I firmly believe that salvation cannot be lost. But if I was never saved, why did I feel all those convictions before? Now I don’t care about any of it. I want to care again. I want to miss the Lord like I used to, but I have no interest at all.

Am I lost?

Hardest Spiritual Lesson #9: Humility and Brokenness

The last of the "Hardest Spiritual Lessons" posts: 

Humility and Brokenness

White horses and a cup of tea (part 2: A theme)

(picking up where we left off in part 1...)

And that brings us to this year.  This year I wasn't going to make any New Year's resolutions.  I was like "meh, who cares?"

But then, two things grew naturally in my mind, goals for this year.  (The first one will take several posts, and then I'll share the second one after that.)

(Plus, I think I'll keep trying the "talk less, listen more" resolution, too.  I could always use more of that.  And I think I'll add "try to stop speaking negative things."  That won't be easy.  I do far too much of that.):

A Theme: 

This is going to be my "white horse" year.  

"What's a 'white horse'?" you ask.  

Well, I'm glad you asked.  I'll tell you.  

Another great sermon: What if love meant more than you thought?

Before I get to part 2 of "White Horses and a cup of tea," here's another great sermon from Willow Creek (they're on a roll): 

What If Love Meant More Than You Thought?

A sermon like this is especially needed in this "outrage culture" where people spend their days looking for things to be angry about, for people to lash out at.  Ugh.

But there's a better way.  It doesn't have to be like this.  We don't have to let the news and social media lure us into an ever-increasing spiral of hopelessness and discouragement, antagonizing us into hating life and everyone around us.

White horses and a cup of tea (part 1)

I generally don't make New Year's Resolutions.  I mean I do sometimes, but I don't really see the point because they never last.  It's often more fun making the resolution than keeping the resolution, isn't it?  And so what started out as a grand idea on January 1st becomes a grand flop by January 31st.  We can waste more time planning and daydreaming about our resolutions than actually doing them, am I right?😁  

(Besides, if it's important enough, we'll do whatever it is when we're motivated enough to do it, regardless of the time of year.)  

And so instead of any grand resolutions these past several years, I've been trying to think of more light-hearted things to "resolve" to do throughout the year, relaxing things.  

Who says resolutions have to be lofty or serious anyway?

Such as these resolutions from the past several years:

A great sermon to start 2026

I watched this online Willow Creek sermon yesterday from a new series called The Jesus Way, about the Sermon on the Mount... and I just gotta share it because I haven't heard a sermon this good in awhile.  In fact, it's one of the best I've heard in a long time.  A great way to start 2026!  

Maybe it just said what I needed to hear at this point in my life.  Maybe it won't speak to you the same way.  But, who knows, maybe it will.  Give it a try.  What've you got to lose?  

I am Little Drummer Boy

Merry Christmas late.  And Happy New Year early.

I've shared this before but I'll share it again:

My all-time favorite classic Christmas song has got to be the Little Drummer Boy.   If I’m listening to this song and start to think too much about it, I start to well up with tears.  Every time.

My sons occasionally ask me why this is my favorite Christmas song.  

“It’s stupid and it doesn’t make sense,” they say.

Juni Desiree's beautiful art and heart

 This is a section from a future post, which shows this painting I once did:

This was my favorite one, the first one I ever painted like this.  

And it graced my wall for a few years... until I gave it away to a dear online friend from Australia, Juni Desiree (we met online in the comment section of a blog she used to have).  It was the only way to say "thank you" for something amazing she did for me: dedicating to me a book she published of pictures she drew about her mental health journey.  

Here's a YouTube video on it: The Art of Mental Health: Book Launch!!!! (at 5:04 you can see the "Dedication: For Heather" page"😊), and here's where you can buy it: The Art of Mental Health Ebook - Etsy Australia.  

A Calvinist pastor's 9-11 sermons (vs. C.S. Lewis)

In "honor" of the anniversary of 9-11, I thought I'd share on my blogs some quotes from my Calvinist ex-pastor's sermons about 9-11 or around the anniversary of 9-11.  

I'm so sorry to share these.  Please don't read them if you were greatly hurt by 9-11, or any other tragedy.  (And speaking of tragedy: It's absolutely horrible and heartbreaking that Charlie Kirk was assassinated.  It's just so senseless.  It's not like he was a powerful political leader who made laws or rules that people didn't like or that affected their families or anything like that.  He was just a normal guy who debated views and shared his opinions - opinions that some people didn't like.  And for that someone killed him!?!  Something isn't right here.  May God expose what it is, and bring about justice, and protect and care for his family.  My heart goes out to them!  Heartbreaking!)  

But these 9-11 sermons are great examples of how hyper-focused Calvinists can be on God's "sovereignty," to the point that they can't even hear how heartless and tone-deaf (and unbiblical!) they sound about a horrible tragedy that destroyed many people and families and that greatly wounded our country.  (And I admit that it's sickening timing to share these sermons right after Charlie was killed, because these Calvinist sermons are all about God ordaining all evils and tragedies.  Ugh.😔)  

Calvinists can't even comprehend - or don't care about - the damage they might be doing to someone's faith in God.  All they can think about is that they are supposedly glorifying God by singing the praises of His "sovereign control" and encouraging others to do the same, regardless of the tragedy that happened.  (And they wonder why Calvinism makes people sick!)

My goal here is not to sling mud or to break people's hearts or shake people's faith, but it's to expose Calvinism for the anti-gospel, anti-truth, anti-God theology that it is.  My goal is to wake people up and, yes, to be divisive - to do what I can to cut out a cancer that's invaded the church and is slowly killing it.  Calvinism has hijacked our churches for far too long, and it needs to be stopped.  But it can't be stopped if we keep ignoring it or politely tolerating it.  And so I keep writing and sharing these things.  [God, help us!  What a mess the Church has become!]

[My comments are in brackets, black, and italics.]  

Jill 4 Today: "Around the world in 80 breads"

While researching bread-baking around the world, I stumbled on this YouTube channel - Jill 4 Today - and I just have to say that I'm really enjoying her.  A lot of fun to watch.  And I love when older women do videos like these because it feels very homey, very grandmotherly.   

I'm especially interested in her new series "Around the world in 80 breads."  And I love it that she makes some of these breads for the first time on camera, leaving in the doubts and mistakes and all.  Amusing and charming.

Anyway, I'd love for her to actually do all 80 breads, but she doesn't think she'll get to them all.  So if anyone else is interested in this too, support her channel and send her some comments to encourage her to actually do all 80.  It'd be fun to see.

Here are the three breads she's done so far:

#1 No-knead French bread

#2 Icelandic Rye Bread (just listening to their reactions as they eat it makes me want to try it too)

#3 German Broetchen Rolls  

It's a long way to 80, but it would be a fun journey getting there!

Sourdough Sandwich Bread Recipes and Videos

My son recently got a new job and brings a turkey sandwich to work every day for lunch.  And to keep up with his bread-consumption and make it easier for him, I've been buying loaves of non-organic white bread every week.  Yuck!  (And even just the thought of turkey every day makes me gag.  I don't know how he can stand it.)   

I hate it that I have to buy non-organic white bread, but he's a picky eater and won't eat the heavy whole-wheat organic ones, especially if they have seeds or nuts in them.  But that seems to be all I can find out here lately.  

And while the organic, artisan-type loaves of sourdough I've been baking are wonderful (I'll share my recipe and process eventually), they're too large and holey for his sandwiches.  So we've been stuck with the non-organic white bread for now.

But no more!  I'm sick of it.  And I hate feeding it to him.  And so it's time to find a good sourdough sandwich bread recipe, one that makes a nice, softer, tighter-crumbed loaf of sourdough that slices thin and holds together well (and freezes nicely, because we always freeze the extras - sourdough freezes and thaws beautifully).  

Hopefully one of these will work.  It's worth a try.   

Baker Bettie (video): Sourdough Sandwich Bread Full Process, Soft Sourdough Loaf (I want to try this one next)... and here's the written recipe on a blog post: "Sourdough Sandwich Bread"

Lovely Bell Bakes (blog): "Super Soft Fresh Milled Sourdough Sandwich Bread"

Farmhouse on Boone (blog): "Sourdough Sandwich Bread"

Wagon Wheel Farmstead (blog): "Soft Sourdough Sandwich Bread, Easy Recipe"

Feast and Farm Cooks (video): Sourdough Sandwich Bread Recipe (easy beginner recipe)

Muscle Momma Sourdough (video): Soft Sourdough Sandwich Bread, step by step beginners guide... (and written recipe)

The Bread Code (a video that's not about sandwich bread but helpful in general, and I really enjoy this guy for some reason, maybe it's his accent or neighborly personality): 18 Sourdough Basics you should know

Alexa PenaVega on her heartbreaking loss

On Godtube, I just watched this touching testimony from Alexa PenaVega (she's in my favorite Christian movies of all time, Do You Believe?, and one of my favorite TV shows, The Middle).  

I had no clue she had gone through such a tragic loss in her life (in 2024, I think) - the death of her newborn baby.  Heartbreaking!

I haven't experienced the same kind of loss she did, but I totally appreciate that she's sharing her story, from a heart full of faith.  May God bless her and use her story to encourage others who've gone through loss, too.

[One thing that caught my attention is that she quoted a verse - one verse - and it happened to be one (of about 5) that I had just written down shortly before I watched her video.  Out of all the verses in the Bible, I encounter the same one twice within a couple hours... coincidence?  

I know that it's a verse I need... and maybe someone else out there needs it too: 

"I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint." Jeremiah 31:25

Anyone else weary?  Faint?  

You might also like the songs Worn and Hold My Heart and By Your Side and Healing Begins from Tenth Avenue North...

and Oh, What Love and Fell Apart and Honestly and Praise the Lord from The City Harmonic.

Some of the songs that helped me get through so much!  Sometimes songs and God's Word can do what nothing else can.]

Happy Easter to everyone!

Happy Easter Weekend!  

Never forget how much Jesus loves you and what He went through for you, for everyone, so that anyone who believes in Him would be saved (and anyone can!):

Sweetly Broken by Jeremy Riddle

Oh, What Love by The City Harmonic

Secret Ambition by Michael W. Smith

Hallelujah Christmas by Cloverton

My Jesus by Todd Agnew 

I Am by Crowder

The Champion by Carman (This will always be one of his best!)

When Calvinists say "But predestination!" (tiny, bare-bones version)

[This is from my other blogs, but I figured I'd put it here too.  Just to heavy things up a bit.  It's my tiniest version of my "But predestination!" post.  The short version with more memes and quotes and information can be found here, and the longest version (a series of posts full of many more Calvinist comments, my Calvinist ex-pastor's sermons, and my replies to them, written for my own amusement and for my ex-church) can be found by starting here.  But this tiny version includes only the most basic parts you need to know, with a few memes and quotes thrown in to spice it up.]

At the heart of Calvinism is predestination and God's sovereignty (among other things, like "total depravity"), which according to Calvinism essentially amounts to: "God preplans and controls everything, even sin and evil and all our decisions, and so He pre-picks who goes to heaven and who goes to hell.  He causes the 'elect' to believe in Him and be saved, but He made sure the 'non-elect' have no chance or ability to believe and be saved because He predetermined they'd go to hell (and so Jesus never died for them anyway), all for His glory."

And if we push back against this - if we say Jesus died for all people and God offers salvation to all people and that He lets us decide to accept or reject it - Calvinists go "But God is sovereign, and predestination is in the Bible, and so you have to believe it!"  

But the problem is not that we misunderstand the Bible or can't accept biblical truth.  It's that Calvinists mis-define both sovereignty and predestination (among other things).  

Videos on Baking Sourdough Bread

One of the most relaxing things for me lately has been watching videos of people making and baking sourdough bread.  And as a bonus, it's not only relaxing, but informative, productive, and rewarding, too.  A great "waste of time."  Especially if you actually bake the sourdough bread instead of just watching the videos😁. 

Anyway, here are some of the videos I enjoyed the most and found the most helpful.  Some use scales to measure, and some don't.  Some use Dutch ovens to bake the bread, and some use bread pans.  Some do more prep, and some do less.  But they're all informative and enjoyable.  

In no particular order:

Farmhouse on Boone - Sourdough Bread for Beginners | NO KNEAD - YouTube

Alexandra's Kitchen - Simple Sourdough Bread: Step by Step 75% Hydration - YouTube

Grant Bakes - A Sourdough Masterclass for Home Bakers - YouTube

Lovely Bell Bakes - Daily Sourdough Bread with Fresh Milled Flour | Without a mixer

Preppy Kitchen - Amazing Sourdough Bread Recipe - YouTube

Healthy Elizabeth - My Easy GUIDE To Making Foolproof SOURDOUGH BREADS | BAKE WITH ME - YouTube

The Perfect Loaf - The Secret to Make the BEST Sourdough Bread 

Mary's Nest (a playlist): No Knead Sourdough Bread Recipe - FAST and FOOLPROOF

Homesteading with the Zimmerman's: Kate's SOFT SOURDOUGH SANDWICH BREAD - YouTube

Little Spoon Farm: Soft Sourdough Sandwich Bread from Little Spoon Farm

LoveMeg 2.0: HOW TO MAKE THE BEST SOURDOUGH SANDWICH BREAD | EASY STEP BY STEP BEGINNERS GUIDE | LOVEMEG 2.0

Our Gabled Home: Bake A Delicious Sourdough Bread with Me - Even Beginners Can Do It!

Melissa K. Norris: Best Beginner Sourdough Sandwich Bread Recipe | HOMEMADE YEAST

Rustic Honey - Sourdough For A Year | What I've learned + favorite recipes for beginners - YouTube

Alexandra's Kitchen - Simple Sourdough Pizza + Pizza Margherita  - YouTube

And here's a blog post, on baking in a bread pan: Can You Bake Sourdough In A Loaf Pan? - The Pantry Mama

And here's a blog post with the sourdough recipe I use: Sourdough Bread Recipe - Sugar Spun Run.  But I usually bake it in a Dutch oven instead of a loaf pan.  

   

[And see here for the videos I like on starting a sourdough starter.]

"More Noble Berean"

There's a YouTube channel I just found - More Noble Berean - that you might like.  I've only watched a few videos (so I don't know all her beliefs, which means there may be things I disagree with her about), but this woman - Patti - warns against a lot of the same things I've warned about, such as:

Calvinism, "The 5 points of Calvinism Reformed Theology"

Catholicism 

New Age

Holy Spirit Fire Encounters Channeling: Is it the Holy Spirit?

But the video that really caught my attention was this one: Kat Von D Got Baptized

It made me smile because I wrote a post with a similar heart: Calling out High-and-Mighty, Holier-than-Thou Judges, in defense of Kat Von D

I really appreciated that Patti was standing up for Kat (a brand-new believer), giving her the benefit of the doubt.  It was far more gracious than many of the things I read from other Christians who condemned Kat from the very beginning.  Patti's gracious attitude is what made me want to highlight her YouTube channel here, to encourage other people to check out what she has to say.  You might find something you like and agree with, or something new to learn.

Meet Mr. Bean, my sourdough starter

During the pandemic and lockdown - Ahh, remember that!  Good times!😒 - many people started making sourdough as a way to pass the time.  But I was too busy watching/reading Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit and reading many biographies on C.S. Lewis.  (Love it!)  

But I have recently jumped on the sourdough bandwagon too, and I'm totally loving it!  

Years ago, I tried to start a sourdough starter from scratch but totally failed (I realize now that I was adding way too much water, drowning it).  And so I gave up for years.  But then after hearing a friend rave about how much she loves her sourdough starter (named Calico the Wonder Horse) and loves making sourdough bread, I decided to try again this past January...

"American Noise"

A Skillet CD (yes, I still listen to and prefer Cd's.  I'm that old!) is in the player of our van right now.  And because I hate switching CD's if I don't have to, sorting through dozens of them, trying to find one I'm in the mood for... I leave the Skillet one in the player and just keep listening to the same song over and over again (with a few other songs thrown in too): American Noise.  

I really like this song.

Anyway, it made me think of the post I wrote about it 5 1/2 years ago on my other blog (wow, time flies!).  And after re-reading that post, I decided to print it again, because it stills fits.  In fact, there's even more noise in America now - in the world - than there was then.  (Anyone else getting sick of it all too?)

So here it is, the previous post on it:

I was driving the other day, and this song began playing from a CD my husband had in the CD player.  I had never heard it before, but for some reason, it struck me.  I don't know why, but it did.  It struck me ... and it stuck with me.

Skillet - American Noise

I don't know ... maybe it's about a sense of hope in the middle of the chaos.  The fact that things are going to be rough, but that there is still good there and good can still come out of it all.  

It got to me. 

I think sometimes we all need a little of that hope and love that cut through the American Noise.  

At least, I know I do!