A dear friend of mine from another state gave me her testimony. She printed copies of it to share with others in the hopes that sharing her painful story would help others who are hurting too. It's such an amazing, beautiful testimony that I asked her if she'd like me to share it on my blog, and she said yes. So here it is, in Renee's own words. I hope you find encouragement in it like I do.:
I wrote about some of the "hardest spiritual lessons" years ago on another blog of mine, but I am updating and reposting it here. These are normal, typical (often painful) lessons that we will all eventually struggle with (it's okay to struggle) if we continue to walk with God and to chase after a deeper relationship with Him. (And I know there are more than I've listed here.)
In no particular order (and broken up into individual posts), here are some of the hardest lessons I've learned over the years when it comes to faith and walking with God:
1. Let Go or Hold on?
(repost)
To anyone who's done anything they are ashamed of and who wonders if there's any hope for them ...
Thank you so much for talking with me yesterday. For sharing your hurts, losses, and struggles honestly. It was a real blessing for me. Honest, real, vulnerable people are my kind of people, the kind I respect the most. 😊
To you (and anyone else who's hurting or struggling), I dedicate some of my favorite songs, ones that help me when I'm hurting and struggling. I've had many of those times myself.
(You might also like this post: Healing your soul from Calvinism's damage.)
From my favorite band, The City Harmonic - the band that got me through my hardest times. Their words became my prayers when I was so broken that I didn't have my own words to pray anymore.:
Honestly (I understand this)
Fell Apart (My favorite opening line in a song, ever)
Friday is the day of heartbreak and suffering and loss.
Saturday is the day of waiting and despair and hopelessness.
But Sunday... thank God ... Sunday is coming!
Hang in there, dear ones who are discouraged about life, who are exhausted from treading water, just trying to make it through, and who feel hopeless about the future.
Sunday's coming.
(Two great, encouraging songs for the hurting, exhausted people: Worn by Tenth Avenue North and Fell Apart by The City Harmonic.)
A neighbor just sent this link to me, a video clip (just a minute long) from a woman sharing how she is just done with everything, how she's on autopilot and just wants Jesus to come back again.
I absolutely get everything she said and have felt the same way for several years now.
Can anyone else relate?
Here's a transcript of what she said (I think she voiced what a lot of us have been feeling, like we've been treading water, just trying to get by until the end):
Anyone else need this song and video right now:
Have a Little Faith in Me (by Joe Cocker, which I know is not a Christian song, but it totally fits right now)
Just breathe. You're gonna be okay.
And remember, all we need is a little faith.
God will take it from there.
Just wanted to pass along this quick, wonderful testimony from someone who came out of a commune/cult (the 60's!):
Why I Believe in a Biblical Worldview (A Testimony) by Rick Segoine.
I loved it when he said "... along with all of the study and knowledge that comes with it, my dear and precious Jesus always reminded me along the way to never forsake the simple things. The simple faith of a child. The gratefulness for my salvation and what He did for me. My heart filled with His love..."
This resonated with me because after leaving our church (because of Calvinism - lofty, convoluted, contradictory, soul-deadening, love-destroying, faith-suffocating garbage), I have been longing to get back to the simple things.
Simple truths. Simple joys. Simple relationship with God. Simple Gospel.
"For God so loved the world that he sent his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16)
In no particular order (well, kind of), here are some of the things I've tried and learned when dealing with depression and/or anxiety as a Christian:
I’ve scattered bits of my story all over my blogs, but I’m gonna pull it all together here, about how I became a believer and some things I’ve gone through and how my faith has been affected. (I’ll include links to posts where I explain things more fully.)
Starting the journey: I became a believer when I was eleven years old. (I am now getting close to 50. I don't know how that happened.) At a Christian camp, on one of the last nights, they gave an altar call. I wanted to go up but was nervous about standing up in front of everyone. But being more nervous about the window of opportunity closing, I felt myself stand up and walk to the front. I knew exactly what I was doing, that I was making a commitment for life. And I meant it. I really meant it. I knelt down, asked Jesus into my heart, and have never turned back. It hasn’t been an easy, carefree journey (as you’ll see), but I haven’t turned back (though I did contemplate it and kinda briefly wished I could've, during one terrible summer).
[An excerpt from this post: Help for Anxiety, Depression, and Suicidal Thoughts]
... Also, if you need it, do not be ashamed to get counseling or medication. I think it's far worse to fall into a pit of despair than to get a little help. After one of my most recent anxiety attacks which caused me so much stress that my neck got all tight, which caused me to have such a neck pain that I threw up every hour for half a day, which caused me to not have any food or water or sleep, which caused me to wake up at 3 in the morning and pass out into my husband's arms on the bathroom floor (I laid there barely able to move, thinking "I could die right now if I wanted to," and then my husband fed me ice chips till I felt a tiny bit better) ... I decided that I had to try taking something to help my anxiety. I am not ready for medication yet, but I did look into herbal remedies. While they don't take away the anxiety fully (can anything really?), they do take the edge off or help me sleep easier.
There's a song at the end of The Battle of the Five Armies (from the Hobbit trilogy) that's become one of my favorite songs. I feel this song, especially the line about "Many places I have been, many sorrows I have seen..." That's kinda been my last several years: many sorrows I have seen. Many trials. Many heartbreaks. (Everyone who lives long enough will have many of these.)
Most recently, I had the awful experience of being on the witness stand for three hours, giving testimony against my mom. And after nearly a week of trial, she was found guilty of ... well, of something really bad. (She insists she didn't do it, but we think otherwise. It's not exactly like the prosecution says, but close enough.) And now she will spend her life in prison.
Many sorrows I have seen.
I would like to dedicate the following song to anyone who is breaking down right now - like how I broke down this past weekend, sobbing to my husband about everything that's wrong in life and then vomiting uncontrollably for 11 hours because of tension in my neck that triggers my "throw up" button.
Is anyone else exhausted from trying to bear up under the pressures of this fallen, evil, upside-down, post-Covid world, from watching all their expectations crumble, from feeling like the future is just one big blackhole for you and your kids, from not knowing where to turn or what to do or how to do it anymore, and from knowing that you have to testify against a close relative in court very soon? (Okay, maybe that last one is just me. I've been dizzy every day since just hours before I got the subpoena to appear in court. I'm trying to figure out if it's from stress or something else, like a vitamin deficiency or something.)
Anyway, to anyone else who's breaking down too, I dedicate this song:
"Honestly" by The City Harmonic.
I've linked to this song before, but it's such a beautiful song:
It's from the Narnia movie, Prince Caspian. And for some reason, it reminds me of Jesus's promise to come back again, a hope I cling to in these dark times. I also like the line about picking a star on the dark horizon and following the light. Sometimes that's how life is, darkness everywhere with just a tiny glimmer of hopeful light, way out in the distance, and we have to deliberately refuse to focus on the darkness as we set our sights on the light and faithfully trudge towards it, step after step, one day at a time, until we reach Home.
A few points of light to set your focus on:
Psalm 27:1: “The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?”
John 16:33: “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Joshua 1:9: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Psalm 3:3-6,8: “But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill. I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the Lord sustains me. I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side…. From the Lord comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people.”
Psalm 9:9-10: "The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who hope in your name will trust in you, for you, O Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you."
2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 16-18: “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed... Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Timothy 4:18: "The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen."
Since I spent a lot of time editing my "Atheism and World Religions" Bible Study post (to send it to a relative in jail who shares what I send with others on the same floor), I figured I'd post it here too, to make the time I spent on it more worth it. (There are "questions for discussion" at the end of the original post, click here to find them.). Okay, so here we go:
Christianity isn’t always a shiny, happy, “everything goes smoothly and life’s always great” kind of faith. It can be messy, painful, and difficult. Many of us believers may someday find ourselves in a deep pit of despair, struggling with heartache, doubt, fear, desperately seeking assurance and reasons to keep clinging to Jesus, for evidence that our faith is resting on something solid, that we weren’t fooling ourselves all this time but that the Bible is really true, that God is really real, that He cares about us and can be trusted, that He is watching over us, that someday we’ll be with Him in heaven and everything will be okay. If so, this study may be for you. Or maybe you’re doing fine but would love to have some solid support for your faith, to have some great reasons for why you believe what you do. Or maybe you don’t believe in God or the Bible but want to, and you just need some extra proof to give you the push you need. In that case, this study might be for you too. This will be long (and more personal than “academic”) because I will be looking at several different things which all relate to what we choose to believe and why: atheism, world religions, heretical teachings, evidence to support the Bible and Jesus, and how I would describe salvation and faith in Jesus.
I've shared this song before, but it's worth sharing again (and I'll get around to writing about books soon, next post):
I love this song and video. And so do my kids. In fact, I'd say it's one of the best ever made:
Burn the Ships by For King and Country (Click here for where I first found it.)
Dedicated to all my brothers and sisters in Christ, the faithful few, in these crazy, uncertain times:
Eyes on the Prize (from the movie Greencard)
Listen to the words. Hear the message. And hang in there. It's gonna be okay.
This song pops into my mind a lot (which drives my son nuts because then I'm always singing it out loud). But how could I not? In fact, I've found that singing, even when - especially when - I don't want to, uplifts my spirit and my mood like nothing else can.
So go ahead ... Sing a Song! Sing it out loud and sing it out strong.
Not for anyone else, but just for you. Just because it's fun!
(And what a cute video to go with it. Totally made me smile!)
[Along with the Scripture-based prayers I sent to my relative in jail, I also mailed this post that I wrote awhile ago. (I didn't tell her I wrote it, but that I found it somewhere.) I thought she might be able to relate and to find some encouragement in it.]
Genuine Faith is Messy
You know, if there’s one thing I’ve learned over these past depressing years, it’s that faith is messy sometimes. Faith hurts sometimes. It’s not as easy and predictable and “magic-wandy” as I used to think it was.
And I think a critical part of strengthening and purifying your faith – of learning humility - is going through the trials and learning to praise Him in the pain, regardless of what’s going on in our lives. Because it’s in the trials and the hurt and the messiness that I have learned to see God for who He really is and myself for who I really am. It’s where I learned more about His love, grace, faithfulness, forgiveness, all-sufficiency, etc. It’s where my faith grew (after much confusion and pain) and where my trust in Him was purified.
(Reposted from a few years ago.)