White horses and a cup of tea (part 3: my white horses)

[I'm working my way through this slowly.  Click here for part 1 and part 2 of this series.] 

First, here's The White Horse Parable again (my version):

A man and his son owned a field that they farmed for a living.  And one day, they found a white horse in the field.

"Oh, what a blessing," said the farmer.  "A free horse."

But then the horse started tearing up their plants.  

"Oh, this is terrible.  What a curse!" cried the farmer.  

But then they caught the horse and tamed it and were able to use it to farm the field.

"Oh, what a blessing," said the farmer.

But then the son was thrown off the horse, broke both arms, and couldn't farm for months, reducing their sales and income.

"Oh, what a curse," said the farmer. "I wish this horse never came to us.  Why, God?  Why!?!"

But then a war started, and the army issued a draft.  But because the son had broken arms, he was excused from the draft and didn't have to fight in the war.

"Oh, what a blessing!" praised the farmer.

Another one bites the dust

[Happy Easter, y'all!]

I just found this (sad!) on Reddit Reformed: What happened to my conviction and love for God?

Reformedhabeshagirl said:

Hello brothers and sisters

I have always been a Christian and grew up fearing the Lord. I remember being convicted about my sins as young as 7 or 8 years old. I became Reformed around age 17 and I am 23 now. I have always been a repentant believer. My heart used to break when I sinned, and I love the Lord. I studied my Bible a lot, prayed often, and was very interested in theology, sermons, and everything related to faith.

The problem is that my heart has lost all desire for the things I used to love. I stopped listening to sermons and I don’t want to study my Bible anymore. Any interest I had in Bible study or discussions about the Lord only came when my ex-boyfriend shared things with me every day or when it came from my pastor every Sunday. Now my heart feels hard. I am not convicted about the things I used to mourn over.

I distanced myself from my amazing best friend and mentor who helped me grow so much in my faith and in my understanding of sin. I broke up with my boyfriend, and now I don’t even feel anything about it. I know he would be the best husband in the world and that I’m missing out, but I’m still not sad about it.

I’m not sad about not praying or studying the Bible anymore. I’m not interested in anything at all.  I feel numb and emotionless.

I’m starting to think that maybe I was never saved, since I firmly believe that salvation cannot be lost. But if I was never saved, why did I feel all those convictions before? Now I don’t care about any of it. I want to care again. I want to miss the Lord like I used to, but I have no interest at all.

Am I lost?