Since Thanksgiving just passed not too long ago, I pulled out something I wrote about a Thanksgiving many years ago. And for fun, I ran it through many different languages with Google Translate just to see what happened. And then I did the same languages again but in reverse. Enjoy!
The Original Version:
Wait! I just thought of another shining moment. One year, 6 a.m. Thanksgiving morning, I dropped a twenty-pound slippery bird and the overnight brine it was soaking in all over the kitchen floor. The bird never hit the floor. Honestly, it really didn't. (But in the name of all honesty, I probably would have served it anyway if it did. After I rinsed it well, of course.) But the kitchen table and floor were covered in raw turkey juice. So gross!
Nothing creeps me out more than raw poultry juice. When I make chicken, I'm often heard yelling, "AHHH, RAW CHICKEN JUICE" if so much as one drop splashes on me. And now here I was, spending all morning on my hands and knees cleaning the floor while covered in soaking-wet, turkey-juice clothes. I will never soak a turkey again! Never!!! Once again, though, I had tried to be fancy. I thought a nice orange/onion soak would make it really memorable. Oh, it was memorable, all right!
Now here's the first translated version:
Stop! I can only think of more beautiful moments. A year ago at 6 am. On Thanksgiving morning, I butchered a 20-pound bird, washed it overnight, and threw it on the kitchen floor. The bird never touched the ground. Honestly, it never worked. (But honestly, it helps in this situation. After cleaning, of course.) But the kitchen counter and floor are covered in apples. The powder is very dirty!
Nothing scares me more than green juice. I often cook chicken and hear, "Ah, the gravy can." Now I've spent four mornings mopping the floor covered in a wet turkey blanket. I will never skip Turkey again!!!! NO!!! I tried to be polite again. I think a good orange/onion sauce would be more memorable. Oh, it's a memory!
And here's the same languages, in reverse:
Wait! I had another brilliant moment. One year I lost 20 pounds on Thanksgiving morning and the ocean dumped it on my kitchen one night. The bird never touched the ground. Honestly, no. (But to be honest, I want it. I clean it very well.) But the dining room table and floor are green, turkey gray. Such a bad heart!
I drink nothing but raw chicken. When I'm cooking chicken, I like to say, "Yeah, buy raw chicken" when I get lost. And now I stand here in the morning scrubbing the floor on my knees, covered with a wet rug soaked in turkey dust. I'm not looking for turkey anymore! Do not!!! I'm trying to be fashionable again. I think it's quite memorable with a nice orange/onion sauce. Oh, it was an unforgettable experience!
[Ha ha ha! I only drink raw chicken ... and the 20 pounds I lost on Thanksgiving morning were dumped in my kitchen one night! Disgusting!]
