Giggle Translate #11: Praying Mantises (A.K.A. Prayer Helicopters)

Here is my new Giggle Translate.  I ran a post I wrote about hatching praying mantises through many different languages with Google Translate, and here is how it came out:


Original paragraph:
Several years back, I bought some praying mantis egg cases to put in my garden.  But we wanted to watch them hatch (and raise one in a tank on our counter), and so we kept the egg cases in the kitchen suspended from a stick over a bowl.  For weeks they did nothing.  They just sat there, like dried-up walnuts.  I was beginning to wonder if we had a couple of duds.

Low-Sugar, Double-Chocolate, Coconut-Milk Breakfast Cake

I made this recipe to use up some of the coconut milk I bought during the lockdown (in case dairy became hard to get).  It turned out almost brownie-like in my opinion (considering that I never make brownies because they are too sugary).  It was soft, slightly chewy, chocolately, and very lightly sweet.  Perfect for breakfast with a cup of coffee or milk.  (We always do low-sugar, so add more if you want it sweeter or if it's going to be for dessert.)

Grease a 9x13 baking dish (I use glass).  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a big bowl, add and mix:

1 can coconut milk (I used a 13.66 oz. can unsweet organic coconut milk)

3 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup olive oil (or oil of your choice)
1 1/4 cups sugar (or up to 2 1/2 cups, if you prefer)

1 cup of water

Then mix these and blend with the wet ingredients:
4 1/2 cups flour (I use fresh ground flour)
2/3 - 1 cup cocoa powder (I use 1 cup, very cocoa-y)
1 teaspoon salt
1 Tablespoon baking powder
1 cup chocolate chips
1 cup shredded coconut (optional)

If the batter is too thick, add a bit more water.  If it's too thin, add a bit more flour.

Pour into greased pan, smooth out, sprinkle a spoonful of sugar across the top, and bake at 350 degrees for 45-50 minutes, until done.  You may need to cover with foil the last 15 minutes.  Let it cool, then serve.  (Or serve warm.)  I am not a morning person, so I always make it the night before so that it's ready for breakfast in the morning.

For Those Struggling with Fear and Anxiety

 Are you having "one of those days"? 

You're not alone.

Worn by Tenth Avenue North ("I'm tired.  I'm worn.  My heart is heavy, from the work it takes, to keep on breathing ..."  Anyone else understand this feeling too?)

I Have This Hope by Tenth Avenue North (I'm clinging to my hope, to the truth, that God will work all the bad into something good, that He will handle the things I can't handle and pick up the pieces I drop, that He'll carry me when I can't stand anymore, that He'll hold me when I hurt, and that someday soon Jesus will come back and take us home.)

For more encouragement:

"Help for Anxiety, Depression, and Suicidal Thoughts"

My "When Anxiety Strikes" Playlist 

Watch a video of Bob Ross painting (so relaxing!) 

Two Great Videos: A Sermon and a Song

 1.  The sermon we watched today was so timely: Encouragement That Calms Fear from Tony Evans.  I think it's one a lot of us could use right about now.

2.  And here's a sweet video of a Blind Singer with Autism Singing "Lean On Me" With The Tenors.  It made me smile and get a little misty-eyed.

Things My Calvinist Pastor Said #7: You Have To Accept Predestination

(This "Things My Calvinist Pastor Said" series is a breakdown on this much longer post: "We Left Our Church Because of Calvinism," which was written last year but updated July 2020.  They are almost exact quotes.  All memes were created with imgflip.)

7.  "The Bible clearly teaches [the Calvinist view of] predestination, and so we have to accept it.  There are only three possible responses to the truth of predestination: get angry about it, ignore it, or accept it.  Humble people have no trouble accepting it; it's just us proud, self-sufficient people who struggle with it because we are used to being independent, always concerned with having the right to choose."  
            Nice manipulation, ex-pastor!  You set up what you're saying as biblical "truth" and defined anyone who disagrees with you as "unhumble," as if they're disagreeing with God's Word.  Who's going to disagree with you now!?!  Way to keep people quiet and in their place!  Making them afraid to disagree.  It's brilliant.  Almost cult-like manipulation!  (And it would be funny to answer him this way: "Get angry about it, ignore it, or accept it?  Well, I wonder which one God predestined me to do.  I guess I'll have to wait and see.  Because, of course, I have no control over it.")

Jeremy Riddle's "Sweetly Broken"

 A song that was faith-changing for me, very near and dear to my heart: Sweetly Broken by Jeremy Riddle

Christian Testimony: Jen - "Why I Am A Christian (Former Atheist)"

Jen is a relatively new believer (about 2 years), currently living in South Korea.  In her 17-minute testimony ("Why I Am A Christian: Former Atheist Conversion Story"), she shares with us how she started out life as an atheist, with basically no one ever talking to her about God or the Gospel, how she lacked love and a good family, how she was filled with depression and loneliness, wondering why she was even here and wishing she wasn't anymore.  

And then, out of nowhere, even though she had no real knowledge of Him and no one to show her the way, God reached out and touched her and called her to Him.  And it changed her life.    

Thank you, Jen, for sharing your story.  May God bless you and guide you on your walk with Him as you get to know Him and His Word more and more.

Giggle Translate #10: Whispers, Tired Cabbage, and North Korea

Here is the original section I wrote for my life story over at my other blog:

I am also a Licensed Professional Counselor with a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology.  But that sounds more impressive than it really is, because I actually have very little counseling experience.

And my first “attempt” at it wasn’t very impressive, either.  My very first counseling job was, of course, as an intern.  I was supposed to sit in with my supervisor as he counseled a reluctant teen boy.  And I was hugely pregnant with my first child.

Before going into the counseling room, I was passing through the office when a bowl of butterscotch candies called out to me, “Heather, you want one of us!  We look good, don’t we?  Go ahead, take one!  The baby wants butterscotch!”  A little voice in my head said, “Don’t do it.”  But did I listen?  No!  I grabbed a piece and popped it in my mouth.  After all, I was just going to be listening.  I wouldn’t even have to say a word.  Surely, I could just sit there quietly and suck on my candy.

"Have a Little Faith in Me" by Joe Cocker

I rediscovered this song a little while ago, a song I've always loved.  (I've always been a fan of gravelly voices like Joe Cocker's.)

And I found this great video to go with it:  "Have a Little Faith in Me"

We all have faith in something.  We are all betting our eternal souls on something.

Where's your faith?  Who or what are you counting on to save you?

Things My Calvinist Pastor Said #6: God Has No Problem With These 'Truths,' But We Do

(This "Things My Calvinist Pastor Said" series is a breakdown on this much longer post: "We Left Our Church Because of Calvinism," which was written last year but updated July 2020.  They are almost exact quotes.  All memes were created with imgflip.)

6.  "The Bible teaches both God's sovereignty (he means "God causes all things, even sin") and God holding us accountable for our sins (that He Himself causes, according to them).  And so we have to accept them both as true.  It teaches both these truths with no tension.  It's only we who have trouble accepting it and understanding it.  But God has no problem with it."
            Of course God doesn't have a problem with what He teaches.  And of course the Bible absolutely holds everything it says in perfect balance, without any tension.  
            But it's not the Bible I have a problem with.  It's the pastor's interpretation of the Bible that I have a problem with, the Calvinist ideas he calls "truths."  (Setting them up as "biblical truths" makes it harder for anyone to disagree with him because he's made it clear they are "disagreeing with the Bible" if they do.) 

Justin Bieber's "Holy"

I saw this pop up in the news feed and I was curious, so I clicked on it.  I really didn't expect to be so touched by it.  What a great video!  A little bit of encouragement in these dark days.  (It premiered 16 hours ago and already has over 8 million views.)

"Holy" by Justin Bieber

Isaiah 26, the Rapture, and Israel's Lockdown?

 I don't like when people take Scripture and apply it to anything they want to, interpreting it however they want, to fit their own ideas.  But humor me here ...

Doesn't Isaiah 26 make you think about life around the time of the rapture?

"Open the gates that the righteous may enter, the nation that keeps faith.  You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."  (Like opening the gates of heaven to believers at the rapture, keeping them in peace while the world goes into turmoil during the tribulation.)

Things My Calvinist Pastor Said #5: God Ordains Wickedness

(This "Things My Calvinist Pastor Said" series is a breakdown on this much longer post: "We Left Our Church Because of Calvinism," which was written last year but updated July 2020.  They are almost exact quotes.  All memes were created with imgflip.)

5.  "God ordains (note: Calvinism means "causes," but they won't see it or admit it) the wickedness that wicked people do, for His purposes and His glory."  
            To Calvinists, it's absolutely not possible that God could have simply allowed mankind to choose to be wicked and to do evil things, and then in His wisdom and sovereignty, He figured out how to work their self-chosen evilness into His plans.  
            No!  Calvi-god doesn't just allow people to sin; he has to pre-plan and cause all the evil that happens ... or else He's not God.  Because a "sovereign" God (according to their definition) has to actively control all things, even every speck of dust in the air.  Because if there's anything He doesn't control, it would mean He's not all-powerful.  According to them.  (Where does it say this in the Bible?  That God can't choose to not actively preplan/control/cause all things?)
            (And remember that if Calvinists say "we make real choices," they mean we can only make the choices that coincide with the desires of our Calvi-god-given natures.  So if Calvi-god gave you the "unregenerated nature" of the non-elect, then you can only desire to sin, which means you can only choose to sin.  Because he didn't give you the regenerated nature of the elect which comes with the desire to obey God and do good.  How's that for "having a choice," only being able to desire/choose sin because of the nature God gave you?)  

Giggle Translate #9: Tattoos and Nicky

Oh, I'm cracking myself up with these Giggle Translate posts!  Here are some more.  And sometimes they're just so wrong.  (Original paragraphs are taken from my "Random Facts about Me" post.)  


Original paragraph:
I always wanted a tattoo and a nose ring.  My husband vetoed the tattoo way back when we were dating (it would have just been a little butterfly on my lower back), but I almost got the nose ring one day.  It was sometime after I had two or three kids, and I had finally talked myself into doing it.  And so we walked down to the tattoo/piercing parlor one fine Monday morning, $40 in my pocket.  But when we got there, the door said, “Closed on Mondays.”  As soon as I saw the sign, I didn’t want the nose ring anymore.  It was like, Well, I was ready to get one and I would have gotten one if it was open, but simply having been ready to get one if it was open was enough to satisfy my desire for a nose ring.  And while I still love seeing them on other women, I haven’t really wanted one since.

Michael W. Smith's "Secret Ambition"

 I've always loved this song: "Secret Ambition"

(I think everyone should watch this video at least once in their lives.)

Never Forget!

In honor of 9/11:

9/11 Amazing Grace Tribute

May we never forget!  And may we begin to come together as a nation again, instead of finding ways to divide.


Also see this link I shared two days ago:

Star Spangled Banner As You've Never Heard It

This is why we stand for the flag!  

To show that we don't take for granted the freedoms and rights we have in this country.  To show respect and gratitude for those who never gave up in the face of evil and oppression, but instead who gave their all, their very lives, so that we could live free!

Things My Calvinist Pastor Said #4: God's Love Saves Some But Not Others

(This "Things My Calvinist Pastor Said" series is a breakdown on this much longer post: "We Left Our Church Because of Calvinism," which was written last year but updated July 2020.  They are almost exact quotes.  All memes were created with imgflip.)

4.  "God didn't have to save any of us.  But in His love and sovereignty, He chose to elect some to salvation, even though we are depraved and wicked and in rebellion against Him.  But none of us deserve to be saved; we all deserve hell.  So the real question isn't 'Why would God predestine some people to hell.'  It's 'Why did God elect any of us for heaven when no one deserves it?'"  
            That's right, make people feel like they can't ask the hard questions.  And deflect away from the bad stuff.  It's much easier to sell your poison when you hide the skull-and-crossbones!

This Is Why We Stand For The Flag!

I watched this video today with my kids as part of our homeschooling, and I figured it would be a good "history lesson" refresher for everyone: 

Star Spangled Banner As You've Never Heard It

This is why we stand for the flag!  

To show that we don't take for granted the freedoms and rights we have in this country.  To show respect and gratitude for those who never gave up in the face of evil and oppression, but instead who gave their all, their very lives, so that we could live free!

Is The ESV (English Standard Version) a Calvinist Bible?

Just in case anyone missed this post (the longer title made it easy to miss the "ESV" part) ...

"A Random Verse That Destroys Calvinism (And "Is The ESV a Calvinist Bible?")

In that post, I write about a bunch of verses that I believe were intentionally translated to be more Calvinistic.  (Click on it to see the verses.)  

And why would I think that the translators of this Bible version would do that?

(From that post...)

Giggle Translate #8: Lockdown and The Wiggles

I wrote this the other day as I thought about the effect staying home too long can have on your family.  And then I ran it through a bunch of languages with Google Translate to see what happened.  Here it is:

Original post:
You know this “lockdown new normal” is starting to get to everyone when these things start happening:

Christian Testimony: Tiffaney - "How I Became a Christian"

This is a really good testimony.  When you first start listening, you don't think it's going to be that powerful.  But it is!  And such honesty!  

Tiffaney - My Testimony: How I Became a Christian (25 minutes)

7-Year Peace Treaty Within The Year?

 Is it possible that the 7-year peace treaty will happen within the year?

This man thinks so - "Turkish President Erdogan Will Confirm The Seven-Year Covenant With Newly Elected Turkish UN President Volkan Bozkir".  He thinks that Turkey will "confirm the covenant with many" through the newly-elected President of the 75th UN General Assembly, a Turkish diplomat.  His UN presidency lasts only one year.  And this means that if Turkey's President Erdogan is the future Anti-Christ (as this man strongly believes), then this peace treaty would most likely happen within this next year, while a Turkish diplomat is the UN president. 

So is it possible?

Only time will tell.

[And one more "Is it possible?": Another dream from Dana Coverstone, which to me sounds like what conditions will be like after the rapture.  (Click here for my post about his previous dream.)  

Amen.  Come, Lord Jesus!

I tell ya, if the rapture really does happen soon, no one will be able to say they didn't suspect it.  The signs are all around us and growing in intensity with each passing week.  It's so obvious that you have to be deliberately ignoring it to not see it.  I'm just sayin'.]  

  

What Would These [Calvinist] Pastors Have Done If They Were There?

For your viewing pleasure:

What Would These Pastors Have Done If They Were There?

This just makes me sad.  It makes me sad how many people still put their faith in Calvinism when it contradicts the clear, simple truth of the Bible!  

[And that Robert Morey is one creepy dude!  

Giggle Translate #7: How Would You Spend Your Last Day?

I ran my post "How Would You Spend Your Last Day?" (click it if you want to read the original version) through Google Translate many times, and this is what came up [any comments I want to make about the translated version will be in brackets and in blue]:


According to Christian geologist today (released on September 23, 2017) is the beginning of the end of the world.  When I went to bed yesterday: "What if the world really falls tomorrow?"  I was wondering how we broke up the day before.''

One night while I was sleeping, my wife and kids watched the show together in another room and saw Gilmon's daughters for the 82nd time.  I found that my partner (homemade chicken pizza) and my wife - me, mom and dad - who were helpful, had the usual way of eating some chocolate.  [Wow, so I have a partner and a wife!  And my partner is homemade chicken pizza!?!  And is it that "me, mom and dad" are what constitutes "my wife"?  Interesting.  Confusing.  You're so "progressive," Google Translate!]